This is my reaction to Jose Angelo Suarez blog entry on "stillness".
Having a conversation with a friend who’s leaving for abroad, he asked me about some falling out that happened a few months ago. He told me that some from the old group were saying that I set a high standard in friendship, etc. Then I realized, in my silence they were flinging mud in my direction, unbeknownst to me. Of course I should have expected that. Yet it’s still different when you see it actually happen.
(Hoy Gelo, nagpapaniwala ka dyan sa taong dati mong halos ikasuklam dahil sa makati nyang bibig/malaking panguya dahil sinasabi mo na kung ano ano ang hinihibla nya, ngayon nagpapaniwala ka sa sinasabi ng taong yan. Sabagay, ndi ako nagtataka... konti lang naman ang deprensya nyo sa isat isa. At anong sinasabi mong high standard... Gelo, repasuhin mo nga ang pinagsusulat mo... nalaman namin lahat kung anong sinasabi mo pagwala ang isa samin... ang kapal naman ng mukha mo... kung ano ang sinasabi mong walang katotohanan... bagay nga kayo ng mapaghibla mong kaibigan... wala kayong pinagkaiba.)
But you know what, that’s true. For anyone, that’s true. Who doesn’t put a standard in the friendships one makes? I made the change because I wanted to ultimately attract strong friendships. Friends that trust. Friends that are stable. In all their drama and fickle-mindedness, I did not find such a bond in those old friends. That’s why in the end, I was asking the universe for a way out.
("I wanted to ultimately attract strong friendships." I quote kita dyan Gelo.. anong sinasabi mo... payo lang... kung gusto mo ng tunay na kaibigan... wag mo silang bilhin... wag mo silang pagsalitaan ng kung ano ano habang nasa likod mo sila... ikalawa, wag mong ipilit ang sarili mo sa hindi ka gusto... kaibigan pa papatulan mo. Ikatlo. Pano ka makakahanap ng strong friendship, kung sarili mong kaibigan... inaahas mo. Ang masasabi ko lang... hindi ka uubra... matinik to! So tuloy mo lang yang ginagawa mo... para maka attract ka ng stronger friendship. Nakakatawa ka!!)
As I hung up the phone, I started thinking. I was thinking so passionately that at some point I was too distracted to sleep. I asked God for a resolution to this. In my mind and in my heart I asked him aloud. I asked him with all sincerity. Then it came, this moment of peace, this moment of self-reflection…
(Uy, wag mo idamay ang Diyos sa mga kasamaang pnagagawa mo. Masama yan. Kung hihingi ka ng tawad sa mga maling pinagagawa mo... cguraduhin mong ndi mo na gagawin ulit... kasi walang kwenta ang pagdadasal mo.)
You cannot see yourself in moving water, only in stillness…
At that moment of stillness, I began to realize, those words didn’t matter. I am now in a good place, in a place that I asked to be in. Those words are from the past. What I have now, I was asking for then. I have attracted people, things and circumstances that have finally given me peace, strength and stability.
(In fairness... maganda ang sasabihin ko sayo d2. Okay ka na pala... wag ka na kasi magsasalita ng kung ano ano, para d ka makakatanggap ng counter-panama sa blog entry ng iba. Hanap ka na lang ng mga strongest friends without you having to be a back-biter, hipocrit and a person who buys friendship to have friends.)
I am stronger than depression. I am braver than loneliness. I have the Universe at my side. Most important of all, I have peace.
(I wish you all the best... makahanap ka sana ng mga kaibigan na tunay kang minahal na tulad namin... ngunit d mo pinahalagahan. Kahit ilang universe pa ang nasa tabi mo... kung d mo babaguhin ang ugali mo... walang mangyayari sayo. Kita mo yung previous blogs mo... parehong pareho ang falling out ng friends mo... its a behavior you need to address... you need professional help.)